Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
