You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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