I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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