I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
