i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
