You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
