his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize