JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
