i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize