I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
