He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
she pinky promised me she was 18
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket