too bad you live with your parents still
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.