So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
