Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER