Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
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i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
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You were supposed to behave this weekend.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.