how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.