somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?