Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Randomize
