Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.