I want to walk on stilts...naked
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!