It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag