We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again