So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
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you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN