I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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