I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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