My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
