I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
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she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
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Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...