I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?