i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
pop tarts are not kleenex
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
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It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
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Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.