if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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