Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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