I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize