Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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