Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
