you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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