Only a mothe r could love this liver
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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