Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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