sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
