mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
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imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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