And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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