she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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