I'm jealous of your bromance
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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