meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
