Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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