last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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