I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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