Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
