I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize