Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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