Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize