why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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