No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
