It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
