This is not my ceiling
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
