This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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