So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.