He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived