the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
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Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
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Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?