bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.