it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
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Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
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I woke up naked with my work shoes on
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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