Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
