my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
