Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize