Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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