I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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